2011

Well, I'd be remiss if I didn't blog to reflect on my life in 2011. When I think back to 2011, I truly think of it as the BEST and WORST year of my life. I know that sounds cliché, but it is really the only way to describe 2011 for me. Basically, the bad started at the end of 2010, and continued well into 2011, getting worse in January. I was extremely unhappy with my career, which made me unhappy in life. I just felt lost in life. Was this how I was supposed to feel at 26? Was this it? Could I do this for the next 30 plus years? Even if I found another job, could I leave this one? It was prestigious, paid relatively well, secure, and to be honest a lot of people would kill for that job. My motivation was gone. I had the best work ethic in high school in college. By the time 2011 rolled around it was dead. I was just a shell of myself who came to work, didn't talk to anyone, miserable, barely left my desk, and then left to go home. I let that place suck so much energy out of me all I wanted to do when I got home was work out and retire to my room. I also pushed people away that had nothing to do with any of it, and I regret doing that.

In January I recognized how bad I had let things get and sought out change. From there I focused on how I could make the best of my job until I completed my service agreement. I could choose to be happy at work and suck it up, or I could let it swallow me. I'm stubborn, but slowly I realized the path of least resistance was choosing happiness. I used to think that was straight up bullshit. People would say, "You can choose to be happy." And I would think, "Whatever, how do you choose that if you hate everything around you?" Quite simply, you just do your best to ignore the negative and focus on the positives. I started coming around at work and even had a few thoughts of not quitting. Ha! I must have hit my head those days.

There were other things going on with me too, more personal. I didn't think I would ever deal with it or face it. I am not going to get into that here though because this is a very public forum and I don't believe in sharing ALL with the world! But it has to do with the following theme. I am somewhat of a people pleaser. Hell, I am a complete people pleaser. That might be hard for some to believe, but I really just want everyone to be happy. Unfortunately, up until 2011, I lived my life for others. Almost every decision I made involved me analyzing, "Will this make X happy?" or "What would Y think if I did this?" A noble goal (if I must say so myself, haha), but an unrealistic one. Fact is, you're NEVER going to please everyone. There will always be someone who doesn't agree with you. There will always be someone who doesn't like you for good reason, or not. You can ALWAYS find a way to make yourself happy.

I saw this quote and it resonated with me: "When someone says you've changed, that simply means you have stopping living their life." Have I changed? Yes, a hell of a lot. More than some of you people reading this know. But it's because I changed for myself. And I never knew I could be this happy. At 27, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life and that feels amazing. Is every day rainbows and butterflies? Of course not. In fact, yesterday I was kind of down, but you keep your head up and you keep moving forward. You have one life to live and you'll never get a moment back. So with 2011 being the best and worst, I am looking forward to only the BEST in 2012! (If the world doesn't end!) Sorry I had to.

Happy New Year!