1. Life, as you know it, is over after college. (This is mostly true. Life is much different after college. Some of it is good. Some of it sucks horribly. Having more money is good, but working in a job where you'd rather have strep throat than go into the office sucks horribly. Yay for not being in that situation anymore!)
2. Therefore, you should fail a few classes, double major, or whatever it takes to stay five, six, or so years. Come on, at least four and a half. (I think if I had stayed longer than four years I might have been sick of it after the Fall semester. Therefore I stick by my last sentence...stay an extra semester. The extra football season alone justifies that decision.)
3. Get ready for people to ask, "Sooo what are you going to do now?" To which you should start thinking of answers and/or lies instead of the same old, "I don't know... find a job?" and... (Well obviously I'm not asked this anymore since I am five years postgrad. Now it's just the constant, "So what do you do?" which is a DC thing, I think. People here think they're oh so important because they happen to work in a job where they "once stood 6 feet from the director of ABC agency!!!" Anyhow that could be a blog post on its own.)
4. Aren't you glad you're done??! To which you will reply, "Oh yes, responsibility, bills, work; what more could I ask for? I am just THRILLED." (Umm, yeah I still stand by this. Graduating college was easily the best and worst thing that happened to me. Sure, I received a diploma, but come on the real world is....THE REAL WORLD. College is a beautiful bubble for most people.)
5. It's hard to find a decent, somewhat enjoyable job in which you are passionate about unless you majored in something with a clear cut path like finance, engineering, or education. (I still think this. I have friends that love their jobs, but they're few and far between. Even more so now, it's hard to find a job, let alone a decent one.)
6. What ever happened to the 9-5? As far as I can tell it's non-existent because all I ever hear is "Sooo how do you feel about a 60+ hour work week?" Oh I feel GREATTTT about it. (Haha, this is kind of funny for me because my average work week is, and always has been 40 hours. I am lucky, but I don't expect it to be like that forever and I do not envy my friends that work 60, 70, or 80+ hour work weeks!)
7. Four dollar pitchers? $2.75 supermugs?! Forget about it... that will be $4 for that lousy bottle of beer. And 5-9 happy hour, yes. 4-7 happy hour, no. I mean who can be at the bar by 4 when you're working 60+ hours a week? Oh, an unemployed alcoholic. (This is true! I hate how happy hour starts at 3pm in a lot of places in DC. Come on!)
8. BILLS, BILLS, BILLS, can you pay my automo'BILLS. Okay someone probably told you about this (dad), but you figured, "hey, I had bills in college...I can handle bills." Now there are a lot more though. (I used to tell my dad that I couldn't wait to "grow up and be an adult." He would laugh and just say, "Wait until you have bills to pay, you'll beg to be a kid again." He was so right!! I hate bills!)
9. While college was only a short four years, work is a LONG 478 years and then you retire to enjoy wearing depends, playing bridge, going to bed at 8 pm, and whatever else you can do at 70. (No arguing this point. TRUTH.)
10. Remember when they asked you, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" in elementary school and you said something like a) a ballerina!! b) basketball player or c) the President of the United States. Well quit dreaming and wake up, Billy... it isn't gonna happen! (HAHAHA! Cynical.)
